Sinking Like A Stone

I want to drink away your memory
Sleep away these thoughts
I wish I never knew your name
Or had ever seen your face

Not knowing what you're thinking
Or exactly how your feeling
Is worse then anything I could imagine
If you could only tell me
The thoughts you have about me
I would let you know I feel the same way too

I'm sinking like a stone every day
I never wanted to leave your arms
I wished that I could stay

My heart fell as I walked out of your door
I couldn't turn around
I couldn't see the look in your eyes
Because I was afraid of what I'd see

I've made some mistakes
This much I know is true
The one thing I never counted on
Was how hard I'd fall for you

A week since I've seen that face
I miss you more and more each day
For just another chance with you
There's not a price I wouldn't pay

Beautiful Disaster

She's a beautiful disaster

And she makes my heart beat faster

I love her crooked little smile

And how she makes me feel worthwhile

She's a beautiful disaster

And I feel like going after

Her today

Yes going after her today

The way she says my name

And she calls when I'm away

Makes me think that life is worth living for

She put me back together

Through the rain and stormy weather

Just to see her pretty face

Leaves me wanting for that place

She's a beautiful disaster

And I feel like going after

Her today

Yes going after her today

What if

I once asked "Have you ever?" Now I ask "What If?"

What if you aren't the good guy?

What if you're really the thing that you hate most?

What if you're wrong about everything you thought was right?

What if you never did what you thought was right?

What if you decided to turn away?

What if you walked away from everything?

What if you were right about everything that you thought was wrong but for the wrong reasons?

What if you're best isn't good enough?

What if there is nobody around to hear you cry?

What if everything was a lie?

What if it's all just a dream?

What it it's all just a nightmare?

What if you could see the universe in a blade of grass?

What if it all came to end this very second?

What if you never existed at all?

Changes

I've thoughts in my head

That I shouldn't be thinking

I wish I was dead

Instead I lie in bed drinking

I can't describe the pain I feel

And my heart, it is sinking

Just what have I gotten myself into this time?

Oh what have I gotten myself into this time 

And what's funny is that everyone thinks that I'm fine

The lies that I've heard

They've sure kept me laughing

The world all around me

It seems to be crashing

And the way you ignore me

It's like you've no idea what's happening

Am I blind? 

Was it me?

Was I too oblivious to see

The changes happening to you

And what you're doing to me?

So This Is It

Well here goes. I'm moving out on Saturday and braving the wonderful world of living away from my family for the first time in my life. Sounds awesome. Hell I'm not even planning on telling my family my address for at least 2 weeks so I can enjoy my time away from them. But I'm not moving out alone. The love of my life and my reason for being is coming with me. I don't know how a kid like me was lucky enough to find a girl like her, but I guess the stars were aligned or I did something good to somebody important in a past life, but I swear to god that it's not even humanly possible for anybody on earth to feel the happiness in their entire lives, that I feel in a single day. When Kimi isn't around, things just aren't the way they should be. But when I see her or hear her voice, everything makes sense in the world. The skies seem to brighten and the temperature rises. I couldn't make this stuff up, I'm not that talented. What I also know is that after searching for happiness for 24 years or so, I've finally found it. I've been in situations where I thought that I was happy, but nothing like this. Not even close.

One of the down sides to moving out though is that I lose the use of a computer. Well at least until I get mine fixed that is. But it's not something that's high on my list of things to do. I can think of other ways to entertain myelf I guess. Hell I do own a few guitars, I might want to start playing them again. Not like I'll have much else to do that first week or so.

So to all who read this I say, I'll miss talking to you but I will be back...Eventually that is.

My Letter To You

She said she was fine
But her eyes told a different story
It seems like my angel
Has fallen from glory

So how can I help her
I don't have a clue
My angel seems lost
With no way to break through

What can I say, What can I do
What can I tell her so she will not feel blue
This angel has lost her wings
And is falling to earth quickly
I feel if I don't do something fast
I'm afraid that she'll miss me

The tears are now welling
In her deep green eyes
She flashes a smile, says all is alright
But her feelings fortunately cannot be disguised

I try to convince her that it's not her fault
Some people are assholes
And to take what they say with a grain of salt
Because pieces of shit like that
Just aren't worth her time of day

So how do I convince her
That these words I speak are real
Will she listen or just hear me
And know these words that escape my lips
Are truly how I feel

.....And I'll See You In Tahiti

The first thing he heard when he awoke
Was the beautiful sound of her voice
The last thing he thought before his head hit the floor
Was how happy he was to be alive

She could always turn his day around
Even if that meant upside down
Around her it was impossible to wear a frown
His smile so wide, you'd think he was a clown

He always hated that day of the year
But that has definately changed
And though he'll never sleep soundly ever again
He'll have his 13 hours where everything was perfect

Have You Ever?

Have you ever been at a complete loss for words despite the fact that you know exactly what you want to say?
Have you ever seen something so sad that it broke your heart and you did nothing?
Have you ever wished you could say something but never did?
Have you ever been so happy just to realize that what you thought will never be?
Have you ever wished that you were not you?
Have you ever wanted to crawl into a hole and never be seen again?
Have you ever wished that everybody would forget you ever existed?
Have you ever loved something so much that it hurt?
Have you ever thought that THE day would never come?
Have you ever wanted to bury your face in your hands because nobody understands what makes you, you?
Have you ever thought to yourself “Screw it, this isn’t worth it”?
Have you ever wished that you could change everything about yourself?
Have you ever….Pretty powerful question….I wish I had the answer